SCENES

SITCOM: The Weasel (a dangerous secret)

INT. JOSH AND PATRICK'S APARTMENT – DAY

Josh comes in, eager to talk to Patrick.

JOSH

Patrick! I just got a date with this great -

PATRICK

Not now, Josh. I have to plan a murder.

JOSH

A murder? Who do you want to kill?

PATRICK

The weasel who asked my girl out.

JOSH

Girl? You have a girl?

PATRICK

Almost! I had dibs on a girl.

JOSH

Dibs?

PATRICK

You know thst new coffeehouse? The Steaming Bean?

JOSH

Yeah! That's what I wanted to tell you. I was just there and...

PATRICK

So you've seen her.

JOSH

Who?

PATRICK

The new barista. The cute redhead.

JOSH

Right. The redhead.

PATRICK

Isn't she hot?

JOSH

She's, you know, OK.

PATRICK

Yeah, maybe she's not your type. But I like her. And I'm pretty sure she liked me back.

JOSH

You are?

PATRICK

Oh totally. I said we should go out sometime and you know what she said?

JOSH

Uh... No?

PATRICK

She told me I was funny.

JOSH

That's a good thing?

PATRICK

Sure. Chicks like funny. So this time I was going to ask her out.

JOSH

And?

PATRICK

She told me she's met someone.

JOSH

She has... I mean, she has? Did she tell you his name?

PATRICK

No. Not yet.

JOSH

Great!

PATRICK

Huh? Why?

JOSH

C'mon, man. Why torture yourself? You don't need to know his name.

PATRICK

Oh yeah. Yeah, I do.

JOSH

Why? What's the point?

Patrick

Because when I find it out, I'm gonna kill him.

JOSH

Oh. Right.

PATRICK

Slowly.

JOSH

Maybe we should change the subject.

PATRICK

Yeah, you're right. Do you know where I can get a gun?

JOSH

Maybe we should change it again.

PATRICK

I'm sorry. You wanted to tell me something, didn't you?

Josh

It can wait.

PATRICK

You sure?

Josh

Sure as shootin'! So to speak...